Eliot’s Eagle eye                                                               

Sees a little, knows a little, tells a little .... Really, very little; I haven’t received much intel from you all, so I’ll pad the space with bad jokes and tales about my cat…get it? Cat Tales, like cattails, in spring? See, you really do not want to leave me with no news to share.

How can you spot the extroverted mathematician at a party?....They’re the one staring at someone else’s shoes.

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?...He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Why should you never talk to Pi?...Because she’ll go on and on forever.

The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes are all derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic. But I guess the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?...I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Helvetican and Times New Roman walk into a bar….”Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”

Ok, enough of that. Send me your news and I’ll cease with the jokes. I do have one piece of real news:

Ah, the romance of a wedding in Europe, back in the days before virus swept that land. Kate Lawrence and Mike Chiang were married in Italy in October 2019.

…The Eagle always writes this column with a tiny cloud of anxiety resting over her head.  Whose news has she missed?  Clearly, everyone’s! She knows she’s forgotten a juicy bit of gossip that she tucked away in her brain but forgot to write down.  She hates leaving anyone out and apologizes in advance for any omissions and too many bad math jokes. Enlighten the Eagle: send your bit of high-flyin’ news to EliotRegistrar@gmail.com for publication in our next newsletter.